17
Oct 20
Losing my mind!
I lost my virginity to a guy that was a serial cheater, only learnt about it later on in our relationship. He convinced me to start having unprotected sex with him, and so I did, stupid of me, I know. A few week later, found out that he was seeing other girls. I decided to leave him seeing that he refused to use protection. A few weeks after possible exposure, I had flu like symptoms and swollen lymph nodes. Started googling my symptoms, being the hypochondriac that I am, I was convinced I was positive but I was too scared to even test, I was celibate for almost 2 years after that, then I met a guy who I liked, we dated and started being sexualy active, even though we were using protection, I felt I wanted to kill this little voice in my head that kept on convincing me I was positive and was making it hard for me to open up to people. I got a home test, I followed the steps carefully, but from all the shaking and being nervous, ended up not adding enough test fluid, so my test, after 15 minutes was invalid, still being nervous and curious, I went ahead and added an extra drop or two of test fluid, the fluid went down quickly and the control line started to appear, the test was negative after an extra 15 minutes of waiting. But I wasn’t 100% sure seeing that I didn’t follow the steps properly. I was so scared to test again, this was last year. My now boyfriend wants us to get tested as we’ve been dating for some time now and he wants us to move to the next step in our relationship. The other night, we were both drunk and ended up not using protection, 4 weeks later, he woke up with a rash on his neck, I felt so scared all over again and feel I might have put him at risk, I don’t know what to do. If I test positive, I will feel so bad for putting his life at risk… I’m losing my mind thinking about this
