Dear lonelyctg, thank you so much for sharing such an honest post. There are very few people who have never done something they wished they hadn’t, but it is really important to realise you can’t change things in the past, but you can learn from them and change things for the future. There is no point in beating yourself up over this, life is always a choice and what you choose now is important. Just by writing this post you have taken a proactive step and started to claim ownership of your situation. With regards to your testing, this is something you really have to do, whether that is a self-test or a clinical test. As scary as it may be for a person to find out they have HIV, it really is something that has to be done and must be looked upon in a very positive way. If a person has HIV, they have HIV regardless of whether they test or not, but by not knowing their status they are running a really big risk to their health and also could be putting other people at risk. Anti-retroviral treatments are now so amazing, that with just one tablet per day, the virus can be reduced to such low levels that it becomes ‘undetectable’ Then, if you take the tablets regularly, your health is protected and ‘you can’t pass it on.’ Have a look at some of the amazing work U=U (Undetectable equals Untransmittable) are doing for some inspiration. Some of your symptoms may just be due to stress, but I really think it is worth going to get a full health check and then you can move forward feeling more in control and empowered to make different choices that are right for you. I hope that helps and take care. Kindest regards Francesca Bard, BioSure (UK) LTD