Dear 'in my 90s' I have only just come across this website and your story. Perhaps this website might help them and you with these difficult conversations. www.bereadyforit.org.uk My Mother is 93 and lives in Australia. She has been very poorly from time to time, but she sat down with us and filled out an Enduring Power of Attorney and completed her Advanced Care Plan. It was tough to do with her. She doesn't want antibiotics if she gets pnenomia, she doesn't want an operation is she gets cancer, she just wants to be comfortable and be able to spend her days surrounded by her daughters (and by flowers). It was so good to do. All of my sisters know exactly what she wants. After the outrageous performance of my elder sister when my Father died (she was dictating to my Mother what should happen at Dad's funeral), we all feel comfortable that we will be able to celebrate our Mother rather than worry about what we need to do. I do hope the www.bereadyforit.org.uk website is able to help you and your family. Best wishes